26-year-old moves in with her boyfriend, who then sets an ultimatum to rehome her cats or he leaves: 'These cats are my babies'

Author image for Ayala Sorotsky
Ayala Sorotsky • Writer and Editor
Nov 6, 2025 2:00 PM EST

Love for our cats is non-negotiable. They aren't just animals - they're family, little fluffball companions who fill our homes with warmth, laughter, and unconditional love. So when someone drops an ultimatum - "me or the cats" - it's not just stressful, it's heartbreaking. Ultimatums like this create pressure, guilt, and a sense of helplessness, especially when other lives depend on the choices being made. Every cat parent knows that our babies don't ask for much - just care, love, and a safe home - but we ask for the same respect from other humans towards them in return.

Relationships thrive on clear communication and shared expectations. It's one thing to discuss compromises like keeping litterboxes contained, creating catios, or moving to a larger apartment - it's another to demand a choice that could uproot lives overnight. When boundaries are crossed and solutions are ignored, it leaves one party feeling trapped, while the animals - who cannot speak for themselves - bear the weight of these decisions. A loving partner listens, empathizes, and works with you to find solutions, rather than presenting a false "either/or" scenario.

We're inspired by pawrents who stand firm for their cats, because setting boundaries and protecting the well-being of our feline family is never wrong. In the end, relationships should support, not threaten, the bonds we have with our pets. Sometimes, the best choice is to give a person the option to walk away - while keeping your cats safe, loved, and cherished. These babies deserve no less.

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  • 01
    two cats laying next to each other on the floor, curious and happy
    via SpeedPhoto

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My boyfriend (29m) and I (26f) have been living together for about 3 1/2 years. I adopted my two cats about one year before I met my boyfriend, and was previously living alone.
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  • 03
    When we moved in together, I obviously brought the cats with me to our one-bedroom apartment.
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  • 04
    I want to note that I was able to keep the litterbox and cat food pretty secluded since we had a closet that was separated from the rest of the living area.
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  • 05
    Immediately, my boyfriend set boundaries such as the cats were not allowed in the bathroom or bedroom, and at some point we bought a new couch which the cats were not allowed on.
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  • These are things that should be discussed before moving in together. You know, regular and normal boundary-setting, it's human and healthy. But the fact that two cats are affected - this should've been discussed before moving in, not right after. It's not fair for the cats or the girlfriend who raises them.

  • 06
    two cats sitting close to each other, looking out of the window
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    I understood and agreed to these rules, since my boyfriend was a very clean person and honestly didn't like cats very much in general.
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  • 08
    All was fine. Well, about one year ago we moved to a new apartment which was also one- bedroom, but a more restricting layout.
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  • 09
    This new apartment was a struggle because we didn't have any great places to keep the litterbox and cat food, so a lot of times litter and mess would end up in our living area.
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  • 10
    This obviously bothered my boyfriend since the mess was less contained, and we constantly have to clean tracked litter.
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  • 11
    couple in a fught, standing in a dark setting, crossing their arms and facing away from each other
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  • 12
    Shortly after we moved, my boyfriend expressed to me that he wanted me to rehome my cats.
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  • 13
    His reasons are: they are messy and can be nasty, since they track litter, vomit frequently, and shed hair a lot.
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  • 14
    The cats also have a much harder time now respecting the boundaries of not being allowed in the bedroom or on the couch, and they often try to sneak in.
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    They also cry a lot, and will sometimes meow at our bedroom door early in the morning.
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  • 16
    two cats laying next to each other closely, looking together at something off frame
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  • 17
    In my eyes, these are all valid points. Obviously, though, I love my cats so much and we are bonded very closely.
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  • 18
    It breaks my heart thinking about rehoming them. I was able to convince my boyfriend for a while to let me keep them, but today he has again expressed that he does not want to continue living with animals and it's made him feel very unhappy.
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  • 19
    He said he feels like he is sacrificing his happiness and freedom. I've tried offering solutions, such as finding an apartment with more bedrooms to contain the cats better.
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  • 20
    Possibly creating a catio outside, or finding a place with a garage where we can keep the litterbox.
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  • 21
    couple in a feud, sitting on a couch, woman faces away in annoyance and the man is o his phone ignoring the situation
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  • 22
    None of this satisfies my boyfriend, and he has given me an ultimatum: Him or the cats.
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  • 23
    My heart is broken, and at this point I suffer no matter what. This situation feels unfair to both of us, and I don't know what to do.
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  • 24
    Give up my cats for someone I'm not even married to? What if he and I break up?
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  • 25
    Then I'm left with nothing. But then that means I choose animals over a person I love so much and a relationship im rooting for.
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  • 26
    This isn't fair. EDIT: Thank you everyone for your responses. Im sorry i cant address them all.
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  • 27
    I want to clarify a few things. First, i do own a litterrobot and spend extra money on litter thats supposedly good for avoiding tracking and dust.
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  • 28
    Tracking is still an issue. Also, i was not aware that vomitting wasnt normal (a vet once told me some cats "just puke more").
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  • 29
    Ill be doing research on new food. We moved for financial reasons and had limited options, of course i took the cats into consideration, it just didnt work out the way we expected.
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  • 30
    Finally, i have taken a few days to sort out my thoughts and will be having a more in depth conversation with him this evening...
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  • 31
    i refuse to choose, since this is his issue and ive done my best to find solutions.
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  • 32
    He is welcome to walk away, and id respect that decision. He can either accept my solutions and we work it out, or he can go his own way.
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  • 33
    These cats are my babies.
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  • 34
    two cats resting close to each other, one closing his eyes and the other looks at the camera
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 35
    The TapeDeck We are the internet. Choose the cats or we will never forgive you.
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  • 36
    ThrowingAbundance Get rid of the bf. In five years, you will thank the cats.
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  • 37
    Yup_ImAwesome I think you should rehome him.. people who make their partners choose between them or pets make me sick.. You will always resent him if you rehome them..
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  • 38
    boredaf723 This isn't a choice a man that loves you would put you through.
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  • 39
    Ratio01 If someone gives you an ultimatum like this 9 out of 10 times its wisest to choose the things they're asking you to give up
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  • 40
    lizzyote Not gonna read this. Choose the cats. You made a commitment to care for them. Edit: unless it's a health/safety issue, getting rid of your pet for a partner makes you a bad person. Full stop.
    via lizzyote
  • 41
    Original-Emu-392 In my experience this isn't about cats it's about flexibility and control. Think carefully if you want this pattern to continue in your life.
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  • 42
    doctortoc Re-home the boyfriend, and keep the cats. If he loved you, he wouldn't make you choose. Love isn't ultimatums.
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  • 43
    idgaf_030 I'd never choose a guy over my pets. Yeet him.
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  • We can't get over “Yeet him”. We're laughing so hard right now. This comment is gold, and… we can't help but put our support for it out here. How people treat animals (with no health issue in the background, of course) says a lot about them.

  • 44
    pinotgriggio Be careful of people who don't like animals.
    via pinotgriggio

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ultimatum boyfriend ask reddit feud relationship advice cat relationship drama reddit story relationships felines rehome girlfriend couples feline relationship feud reddit thread Reddit Cats toxic relationship relationship drama couple
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